ejour

Hayley P.O.V.

            "Hayley," my mom called from downstairs. "Hayles, it's time to wake up."

            I just groaned in aggravation as I turned the other direction, wanting to get back to sleep. I murmured something I didn't remember and sank deeper into my covers. I barely slept last night...actually I barely slept well since three months ago...since the deer that came and killed Chad...and almost me.

I choked back a sob.

If my mother caught me crying again she would definitely make me miss school and visit Mr. Robert, my psychiatrist since the incident of last winter.

I quickly wiped the tears out of my eyes before I forced myself out of bed. I stretched a bit before I grabbed a towel and headed to the shower. I had a feeling that today was going to be a very long day.

***

"And so," began Mr. Finder, my World History Teacher. "Why do you think Hitler wanted to try to take over the world?"

"Cause he think he thinks he's a big badass," yelled out Will, one of the many class clowns in this course. The class laughed and Mr. Finder just rolled his eyes, he was used to Will's outburst.

"Does it even matter?" asked Jesse Lee, who was sitting right next to me. She was one of the few best friends I had in this school and had never left my side since the incident...

I sighed as the memories flashed through my mind.

A tear rolled down my eye and I wiped it away angrily. When will I be over this?

There was nothing we could do about it...nothing. Chad should have known to check the brakes before he picked me up....

Several other tears rolled down my eyes and I wiped them quickly away before Jesse Lee or anybody else could see it.

I was so preoccupied that I didn't pay attention to Jesse Lee's argument to Will, or Mr. Finder's comments, or even the bell ringing for next period. It wasn't until Jesse Lee tapped me on the shoulder, already holding her purse and books, that I realized that half the class was already gone. With a sheepish grinned, I grabbed my books and backpack, hoping she wouldn't ask questions.

She did.

"Thinking about you-know-who?" she asked me, as we headed out of the classroom.

"I have no idea what you are talking about,' I lied.

Jesse Lee rolled her eyes. "You're eyes are puffy."

"Damn," I muttered, touching them. "I should have known..."

"It's been three months," stated Jesse Lee.

I glared at her. "Thanks for reminding me," I told her bitterly.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what do you mean?" I asked her as we stopped at our lockers which were right next to each other. I started to turn the dial.

"Well, I mean...isn't time to...I don't know...move on."

I groaned as I finally opened my locker and stuff some books inside. "I thought we already had this conversation."

"And you always run away, angry and ready to kill."

"That's because the idea is stupid."

"I know this his hard for you-"

I slammed my locker door shut as I turned to glare at her. "You have no idea how hard it was for me," I said between my teeth. "You have no freaking idea."

Jesse looked down, her face getting a bit red. Guilt started to run through me. I hadn't meant to take my anger out on her.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, giving her a hug.

"It's okay," she muttered back. "Maybe it really is too soon."

"Way too soon," I whispered, letting her go. "I mean, how could this happen?" Jesse Lee shut her locker before we started walking to our fourth period class, English.  She was the only girl that I could talk about the situation that happened three months ago. "On the same freaking night we confess our love for each other, he dies."  I took a deep breath. "It's not fair. If I wasn't so jealous of that stupid car he probably didn't have to try to apologize by taking me to dinner-"

Jesse Lee sighed. "I told you a thousand times that it wasn't your fault."

"Then it was the deer," I countered. "How many times does a freaking deer have to die on the road before they realize it's a stupid place to be? It didn't even move when Chad was honking his horn. Stupid, stupid, stupid..."

Jesse stopped on her tracks, looking at me with a sympathetic look. "You're crying again."

I furiously rubbed the tears in my eyes but this time it wouldn't stop.

"I...I...I..." I stuttered. More tears feel away from my cheeks and I know that some kids in the hallway were starting to take notice of me ...probably waiting for another break down by the infamous Hayley Williams, the emo girl who almost died with her boyfriend, captain of the school's football team,  in the freak car accident.

I turned away from Jesse Lee and headed to the closest bathroom I could find. I closed my eyes and tried to count my breathing like the psychiatrist taught me.

The bell rang for class but I ignored it.

I walked the mirror and took out all my make up from my big, yellow purse. I wiped off all the messed up make-up before reapplying it again, trying hard not to think about Chad. I took my time, not caring that I was going to be super late to class. Oh well.

When I was satisfied, I carefully put my makeup back into my bag and re-checked my work. I turned towards the door and was about open it, but decided to use the bathroom too. I mean, I was already late, I guess a couple more minutes wouldn't hurt.

By the time, I reached my government class, my fourth period class, I was twenty-three minutes late. When I entered the classroom, Mrs. Monroe glared at me, probably upset that I ruined her lecture...yet again. Jesse Lee, Chad, and some of our buddies would ditch this class any time we could since it was boring and we had tons of open-book tests. We got caught tons of times and would always enter her class tardy. She hates ditchers, but she absolutely depises tardy people.

"Williams," began Mrs. Monroe, adjusting her glasses and clearing her throat. "Do you have a pass?"

I just rolled my eyes. "Does it look like I have one?"

Mrs. Monroe narrowed her eyes at me before turning her back and taking out a detention slip from her pocket. "You know I have no excuses for tardy people Mrs. Williams."

I didn't say anything as she handed me the slip. I sighed as I took it and walked to my desk which was at the very back of the class.

I didn't mean to be rude to Mrs. Monroe...actually I have no problem with her. But after Chad's death, I became a bit...a little bit more...

My train of thought was interrupted as I fell flat on my face on the cold, hard floor. I could hear the class laugh, enjoying this embarrassing stunt.

"Sorry," said an unfamiliar voice. "I didn't mean to-"

"What the hell?" I exclaimed, scrambling up the floor to glare at the person. "Who the crap do you think you-" I paused. Staring at me with wide, innocent, brown eyes was the most gorgeous boy I had ever seen. He was wearing a tight blue sweater, dark blue jeans, black sneakers, and a very attractive lip ring. All I could do at the moment was stare at this person, trying to take everything in.

He seemed too gorgeous to be real.

The boy blushed and looked down, embarrassed.

Oh crap I thought. I didn't need to touch my face to know that my mouth had dropped. I wonder how long it had been opened?  Damn it.

"Mrs. Williams," yelled Mrs. Monroe, breaking my trance from the gorgeous boy face. "Will you please stop assaulting the new boy and go to your seat."

"Um...uh, sorry Mrs. Monroe," I muttered, hurrying to my seat, the class still laughing. Once I reached my seat in the back, I hastily put my bags on the floor and sat on my desk. When Mrs. Monroe started her lecture, I put my head on the desk, just wishing this class was over.

I couldn't believe how much I embarrassed myself all in five minutes. I couldn't believe how the class could be so cruel. I couldn't believe how I reacted to the new boy.

Ugh.

I just closed my eyes at the thought. It was like I had never seen a boy before. When I first saw him, I was trying to study everything about him. His clothes, his big, brown, eyes, his clothes, his sexy lip ring...

Oh no Hayley. Hell no. You can't fall for the new kid, that's just...that's just...

Damn it.

I can't like the new boy. I barely know him. Just because he is attractive doesn't make him a good guy. He could be a freaking vampire for all I know.

I groaned out loud.

"Mrs. Williams," called Mrs. Monroe.

I quickly put my head up, hoping that Mrs. Monroe didn't catch me trying to take a nap in her class.

"What is the 49^th state to be added to our Union?

I tried to hold back a smile. Luckily, I had read the pages we were assigned yesterday. "Alaska," I replied.

Mrs. Monroe scowled before turning back to the board to continue her lecture. I stuck my tongue behind her back, feeling childish.

I saw someone turned around and my eyes widen when I realized it was the boy that almost made me trip. When he meet my eyes, he smiled at me. An awesome, beautiful, breath-taking...

Oh just stop it Hayley.

He then turned back around and started to write in his notebook, probably notes about what Mrs. Monroe was saying.

I rested my head back on desk, wanting to take a nap hoping that I could escape this nightmare. I only closed my eyes for a couple of seconds when the vision of a deer appeared.

I sat up quickly, my heart beating rapidly.

Chad.

I looked down at my desk, tears already forming my eyes.

It wasn't like this never happened before. It was one of the main reasons why I couldn't sleep. But the dream triggered something in me. It was the first time since the incident when Chad didn't cross my mind in the last ten minutes. I never thought that would happen. I thought he would always be in my mind forever and always.

I looked up from my seat and glared at the new kid's head.

He was sitting in his seat. Chad's seat.

Shit.

So...what do you think?